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The real Santa Claus came to Bolton, Massachusetts today!

We all know that Santa hires "Mall Santas" to go around and represent him during this busy season. But that didn't happen today in Bolton. Yes, I was granted an early wish as the real Santa decided to make a surprise visit to Bruce Slater's Great Brook Farms. And there were none of those pesky photographers to get in the way of my own camera and Santa. Bruce's wonderful store was filled with happy children and adults. There were cookies and candy canes and hot cider and a fireplace. What a wonderful treat!

If you have never been to Bruce's store, you should pay a visit. We had met Maria, the new chef, last year and tasted her wonderful german cooking. So we had to try her pulled pork BBQ. We got a pound to go and it was fantastic. Many of you who live around here are probably familiar with Firefly's BBQ in Marlborough. I almost always get their pulled pork platter and had thought it was great. But the pulled pork from Bruce's was quite a bit better. I could taste the smokey flavor of the pork and the sauce was less sweeter and more spicier than Firefly's. It also wasn't swimming in sauce. It looks like we are about to have a new weekly takeout habit.

So back to Santa. Was he really the genuine article? I am well aware that many decry the Santa tradition as detracting from the religious aspects of the season. Perhaps they feel that Santa is part of the "commercialization" problem of Christmas. Still others feel that Santa is a great big lie and that we harm our children by letting them believe in the lie.

There's a word that describes these people: humbugs! What's wonderful about being a child is that you still have your imagination! As we grow older, this is one of the first things we lose, right along with our childhood innocence. But is what we imagine not real? Do children end up traumatized because their parents perpetuated a grand lie for so many years? Silly! Dr. John Condry of Cornell University interviewed more than 500 children who learned "the truth" and there was not one child who was angry at his or her parents. The most common response was that children felt more mature. My own experiences attest to this finding. We have a Christmas Eve tradition of over half a century of dressing up as Santa for the family and handing out and opening presents. Two years ago my oldest daughter knew it was me and helped me dress that evening. She felt so completely special. She had "grown up". If anyone should be traumatized it should have been me the parent. But even that I cannot complain about because it makes me proud to see my children reach new stages in life.

I haven't yet reached the point where my children don't believe in "The Real Santa". And, truthfully, I hope I never do. What's special about Christmas and Santa is that they are within us. In our adult hearts, I believe we mourn that we lost our gift of imagination and our ability to believe in things beyond ourselves. This is the lie. For it is a fact that there is much that exists beyond us. Yes, it kills me to not be able to tell my daughter that the new microscope came from me. But it also makes me happy at the same time. What keeps this tradition going is that as adults we desperately want to believe!

Christmas doesn't have to be about over-commercialization. Years ago I would have a tradition of frantically shopping one or two days before Christmas and would wrack my brain trying to figure out what to buy for everyone on my list. As I got older, things changed. The spirit of giving is with me quite a bit. And now I regularly see or think of things that would make my loved ones smile. They don't need to be expensive gifts or require trips to a crowded Walmart on Black Friday. This is one of the wonderful advantages of the Internet. You can shop from the comfort of your own home. You can save money and repurpose items from Ebay. Or you can even make your own gifts. The spirit of giving is really what Christmas is about for me. It's a spirit that should be with us all year long. Christmas gives us an opportunity to renew that spirit.

So, Christmas morning I will come downstairs with the kids and my wife (and my mother-in-law) at 6am. They will open presents. I will show them the half-eaten cookies on the kitchen table and the carrots on the back deck.

And I will smile.

While I am a Dad now, I still believe. For what I didn't tell you was that Santa today pulled me aside and told me to take the letters my children brought for him and put them in their stockings on Christmas morning. I know this Santa cannot go to every house in the world. He needs parents like me to help him do his work. So, why do I believe? I kept looking over at Santa today. He was so kind. He had such a mellow voice. He had a real and old beard! He smiled! He seemed so genuinely happy to be around all the children. He greeted each child in such a special way.

And I kept looking and sneaking a peek.

As we were preparing to leave, I looked once more and Santa gave me a wink!

He knew I believed.

Related Post:

• Santa Makes a Surprise Visit to Stow! (12/07)

External Link: Great Brook Farms

In a wonderful and moving tribute, the students at Center School in Stow make stars in honor of local service men and women and hang them on the windows.

Veterans Day is quite special to me. Pretty much every day I take a moment to celebrate that the freedoms we enjoy–of speech, assembly, voting–are made possible and protected by brave men and women who fight and have fought for us. They make incredible sacrifices, from disrupting their family lives to giving up their lives. They have done so for centuries, and continue to do so today.

I shudder to know, but readily admit I am not surprised, that there are those among us who consider serving in the military to be "about politics". At Milton High School in Massachusetts, the principal is arguing that if military recruiters are allowed to come to a career fair, the school must also have present anti-military protesters in order to give "equal time". Does the school require anti-[fill in your career here] protesters for other careers? Of course not. When the military comes to a career fair, this is just like any other career. But Milton High is going to demand that an organization called "Milton for Peace" should be there to provide alternative views. Does "Milton for Peace" stand for a certain career path? No. So why should they be allowed at a career fair? This is not too difficult an issue folks. It's quite silly that administrators are making these decisions because they feel a sense of duty to protect our kids from politics, yet are actually making it all about politics! A career in the military is certainly not about politics, it's about serving and protecting your country. Is "Milton for Peace" about politics? Just go check out their website where they say nothing about career paths, but rather post position statements of opinion concerning our current wars. School Committee member Mary Kelly made a wonderful argument saying basically this point. To which Principal John Drottar made the nonsensical statement, "the other side is to go back and ban both" and then continued to make further completely nonsensical statements. Others went on to say that graduating high school students are "impressionable" so they have to provide "alternative views" and "equal time", presumably to stop these stupid students from making an obviously wrong decision.

Even more shameful is Steve Almond who wrote an op-ed piece in The Boston Globe mid September where he bashed the military and its supporters. Now I can see where he's coming from. But he's simply misguided and I feel badly for him. He feels it's "tragic" that we, as a progressive society I assume, need to even have an army. That we pay soldiers to, first and foremost, kill people. We look to "heroic violence as a means of spiritual regeneration." And his next sentence is most hurtful of all: "Our most powerful nation myth is the notion that anyone fighting on our behalf is a hero."

I will tell you why I think these are stupid and dangerous words and fundamentally flawed. First and foremost, he has the freedom to write these words because others fought to obtain and protect those freedoms. Yet he conveniently overlooks that glaring fact. Is it "sad" that we had to defeat Hitler and Japanese Imperialism? Or were those great victories for democracy and freedom? It is a reality that people live and die. We live in an earthly realm. Conflict goes back to the Book of Genesis and wars are at the heart of The Old Testament. There is definitely a place where there is no war and no armies. Most call it heaven, but others call this place "Universe" or "The Enlightened Place" or "Collective Human Consciousness". It is vast and it is very real. I can attest to this, as I have been there. But this place, by whatever words we choose to call it, transcends our Earth-bound existence. As humans we are inexorably bound to our genetics which lead us into conflict. Conflict helps us to progress and provides context for our existence. There will always be those out there who will want to harm us. We cannot all live on Earth and be in The Enlightened Place. I don't expect that of humanity and neither should you.

So, I say to each and every veteran I meet: "Thank you for your service!" And I say it with as much pride as anything else I have or will ever say.

Related Posts:

• Independence Day (7/4/08)
• Images: Sudbury July 4th Parade (7/4/08)
• Patriots' Day (4/21/08)
• School and War (9/5/07)
• Images: Harvard's July 4 Parade (7/4/07)

Last night I attended my fifth or sixth Town Meeting and, like voting, it's a very humbling experience. Stow has an open Town Meeting, which means it's open to all voters. I grew up in a town that had representative Town Meeting, which meant that the town was too big to house all the voters who would want to come. While my middle school history teacher tried to explain what it was (he was a representative), I never understood it until I moved to Stow. It's a practice that dates back to colonial times and is somewhat unique to New England. We have a moderator who makes sure everything runs smoothly and it's quite official with the Town Clerk on stage, the Selectmen, Town Administrator, and Finance Committee seated at the front and we methodically plod through the Warrant which specifies each and every piece of spending for the following year's budget.

If you want to participate in how your town is run, move to a town like Stow that has such a form of self government. You get to decide how much each town employee gets paid, whether the fire department will get that shiny new fire truck, and all kinds of other issues that may seem mundane to most, but are really quite interesting. Over the years we have had contentious debates on big projects like whether to fund a new school or buy land for playing fields and little things like whether to officially recognize the name of a road. But the great thing about Town Meeting is that anyone can discuss any of the items on the warrant. You can ask Why does this person get paid this much?" or "Why doesn't the police department buy a hybrid vehicle?" (a perennial favorite). If you want, you can feel free to vote against every spending article if you want and have the satisfaction of knowing you did so. And unlike large elections that don't turn on a single vote, often Town Meeting votes are quite close. In Town Meeting your vote certainly counts! Especially if there is an issue that divides the town.

Unfortunately, last night we learned that our Town Moderator, Ed Newman, is suffering a serious illness. Gary Horowitz (pictured), Deputy Moderator, ran the show and broke the news to everyone in attendance at the beginning. He read an optimistic letter from Newman who vowed to preside over next year's gala. Town Meeting, while it has its moments, is certainly far from boring. During votes or down times various people "entertain"–this year there were presentations on the upcoming 325th Anniversary celebration known as Springfest as well as an update on our elementary school building effort. Plus, you get to talk to lots of people you don't usually get a chance to talk to. Apparently, though, not everyone appreciates the power they have at Town Meeting or appreciates the entertainment. Attendance last night was 211 and there are 4464 registered voters; a rate of a little less than 5 percent.

Well this was a rather interesting event. I went to my first political pow wow in Hudson, Ma attended by several Stow officials, our state representative Pat Walrath (who is retiring and was being honored for her service) and Stow's Daisy Dearborn who was also honored for, I guess, being a democrat for umpteen years. Senator John Kerry was the keynote speaker. I've never felt so out of place in my entire life. Well, that's somewhat of an exaggeration. I was worried I was going to be found out as a fiscal conservative and they were going to flog me or something.

Kerry was introduced with the unsurprising remarks: "All I can say is... 'if only'." I guess this is probably what they say when Al Gore is introduced (or probably even Dukakis or Mondale). Gee, can we not look back? Anyway, Kerry was clearly stuck in the past. He told a funny story about the photo shoot with Dukakis (see image) where you will notice that "The Duke" looks taller (we all know he's very short) than Kerry (who is 6'4"). He also recalled his recent incident in Afghanistan in vivid detail, making me wonder if he was adding to this terrible helicopter flight in the same way that Hillary Clinton added to her "machine gun fire" story in Yugoslavia.

Anyway, all that aside, I am one of those crazy people who thinks that what we are doing in Iraq is making our country safer (this is basically John McCain's position). John Kerry clearly doesn't see it that way. I read my daily Stratfor reports and know that we have a definite interest as well as security concerns in all parts of the world. I believe the enemy (and I do believe we have an enemy) is bogged down over there and not bringing the war over here as a result. I think that makes my family safer. But I guess I'm crazy for thinking that, so Kerry tells me. Global politics is not about making nice with everyone. It's a chess game with death match stakes. I say we better play the game tough or we will get royally screwed. Somehow I don't think John Kerry would have played that way. If only...

The sex abuse scandal of Five Star Gymnastics' owner Steve DiTullio and his friend Steve Infante has been widely reported, both here and in the local and national press.  A couple of weeks ago the Five Star Gymnastics sign on Great Road (Rte. 117) in Stow was taken down and its website was replaced with a new logo and name-10.0 Academy under the ownership of Christalle and Dave Auger. While I have nothing against either of these two fine individuals and wish them every success, it is important to note that it remains to be seen how complete the change of ownership is.  Christalle is Steve DiTullio's daughter and Dave is her husband.  There are no comments on the website (still named fivestargymnastics.com and with a couple of remaining and embarrassing references to Five Star Gymnastics) concerning the "situation" which is still under investigation and prosecution. DiTullio and Infante are still required to make regular appearances in court as the case continues. The 10-0gymnastics.org website is not currently available, even though the site is advertised on the new sign and on the old website's logo. A potential parent would have no indication that any alleged impropriety has occurred.  There have also been no letters in the local press from the new owners addressing the situation that has occurred (e.g., what role Steve DiTullio is playing, assurances of safety,  explanation of allowing Infante to coach students at Five Star despite the USAG lifetime ban, etc).  If the new owners want to be viewed as legitimate, they must address these issues publicly. If they do not, parents should still be wary.

Related Posts:

• Explanation for Pictures Emerges (11/30/2007)
• The Role of the Media in Abuse Scandals (11/29/2007)
• Gymnastics Abuse Scandal Unfolds (11/28/2007)
• Sad News Comes to Stow (11/26/2007)

Over the past couple of days, an explanation for the damaging pictures that have been circulating around the Internet has emerged. The pictures I am concerned about are the ones showing a girl in handcuffs and the photographic proof that Infante was at the camp, despite a lifetime ban by USA Gymnastics. It bothers me greatly that not only it is a fact that Infante was there and participated in activities, but that he was allowed to touch girls and in one picture appeared to be about to spank a young girl. Given that the USA Gymnastics ban was based on credible evidence, it is unforgivable that the organizers of the camp would allow Infante to participate in any capacity. It is also inexcusable that USA Gymnastics did not report what they learned to the police nearly a decade ago.

The handcuff pictures show DiTullio, and apparently an off duty police officer who was dating one of the coaches, applying handcuffs to a 12-13 year old girl to her wrists and ankles and then coupling them together to hogtie her. The explanation for this, that I have heard verbally from some who were involved, is that everyone in the room consented to it and there was a desire to feel what it would be like to be handcuffed and to try to get out of an awkward situation. Some of these people are saying I took the pictures out of context and I am doing harm by writing about this. While there may have been no harm intended and while the girl involved-and others who witnessed it-may not have felt it was harmful, it does not make what was done right. Ever. The context does not matter.

I will leave it to others to determine whether what happened was a crime. Consider this was a gymnastics camp where kids as young as 8 years old attended. It was not a camp to learn about magic or Houdini. I highly doubt that parents who allowed their kids to go to the camp knew that something like that was going to happen. And the fact that my 8 year old was encouraged to attend this very camp makes me wonder what effect this would have on younger kids. Even if the younger kids were not in the room, what happened could have found its way back to them. There is no excuse for this deplorable and disgusting behavior by adults. Ignorance is certainly not an excuse that anyone should accept.

As I said in a previous post, often our first instinct is to rationalize experiences even if they are wrong. If you can rationalize what happened, then so be it. But I believe doing so makes our kids drastically less safe. Apparently the authorities did not rationalize it in the same way that some parents have nor have prominent psychiatrists I have talked to about this.

In a separate incident, it has been widely reported that this fall DiTullio taped four gymnasts' mouths closed with tape going under their chin and over their heads. There was a mixed reaction from parents and not an apology by DiTullio or any admission of wrongdoing. Apparently the girls involved, including one as young as 9, were not upset over the incident. And, so, apparently that makes it okay? Again, this goes to my point about kids-and apparently adults-rationalizing their experiences. From these two examples, the taping and handcuffs, it appears a pattern is emerging of abuse of power, at the minimum, that is troubling to say the least.

Related Posts:

• Five Star Gymnastics Renamed to 10.0 Academy (2/8/2008)
• The Role of the Media in Abuse Scandals (11/29/2007)
• Gymnastics Abuse Scandal Unfolds (11/28/2007)
• Sad News Comes to Stow (11/26/2007)

What is the role of the media in a scandal like this? Fox25 showed the damaging images on television news. Is it right? Does this do more harm than good? Should I post details as they emerge? Am I doing more harm than good?

I am well aware that media reports are traumatizing to victims who are involved. This is why in my initial public statement I paid particular attention to the alleged victims. I am also aware that when the Catholic church abuse scandal broke out, I was terrified, because I was a victim. When my abuser was named and details of my abuse were made public on the newswires, it was intensely difficult. I understand this response by victims.

However, there is a larger societal issue to consider. If we merely sit by and let the justice system quietly proceed without the media, what do we learn as a society? Why, we must ask, does the DA's office issue press releases in the first place? Why was our paper, The Stow Independent, able to access the Connecticut court documents so easily? Surely justice officials see the important role of the press.

The media is what caused the whole church abuse scandal to become what it was and changed the statute of limitation laws, "reformed the church", and found some justice for victims. Without the media there is no outrage. There is no change.

Do I think parents get it? Do they need people like me posting about it? Honestly, I think some don't get it. I understand some parents don't want to think they put their kids in a potentially abusive situation. I have seen people not face things and sweep abuse under the carpet. Often. I understand human beings' capacity to want to rationalize things that are difficult. Denial is strong. The catholic abuse scandal was not met initially with belief. It eventually triggered outrage and people spoke up and had rallies and affected change. It became so big it seemed it was all people talked about for at least a year.

There is a societal healing that takes place from talking about what is uncomfortable. Talking and sharing brings the abuse out of the darkness and into the light where it should be. If we are silent, if we do not talk to one another about what is going on, then what chance do we have to come together and make a statement on behalf of our community and stop the scourge of abuse of our children that is at least as prevalent today as it ever has been?

Related Posts:

• Five Star Gymnastics Renamed to 10.0 Academy (2/8/2008)
• Explanation for Pictures Emerges (11/30/2007)
• Gymnastics Abuse Scandal Unfolds (11/28/2007)
• Sad News Comes to Stow (11/26/2007)

The Stow Independent newspaper today reported additional details and made connections in this case that appear not to be reported elsewhere. Specifically, the articles said that:

• Leslie King, Media Relations Director for USA Gymnastics, confirmed that in 1998 Infante was banned for life and was not permitted to participate in any USAG sanctioned meets. As recently as December 2006, a gymnastics judge from Massachusetts saw Infante participating at a sanctioned meet directed by DiTullio and demanded he be removed.

• Court documents in Connecticut make allegations that DiTullio engaged in sexual activity with a 17 year old gymnast.

• In 1993, there are witnesses that allege DiTullio gave "hickeys" to gymnasts. According to the documents, an employee confronted DiTullio, he admitted he caused the marks, and shortly thereafter fired the employee.

• On the Five Star Gymnastics door there is a written statement by DiTullio saying he has no connection with Five Star Gymnastics Overnight Camp. However, the Five Star Gymnastics' own website states he is director of this camp.

• Records indicate the female gymnast whose wrists and ankles were handcuffed was between 12 and 13 years old at the time the picture was taken in 2006.

• Another written statement by DiTullio said authorities have "confused two different men with the same first name as well as the name of similarly named gymnastics programs."

My concern now is that DiTullio not coach any children until this investigation is concluded and a judgement about his guilt or innocence is made. It has been reported that he has voluntarily removed himself from working with children and will be doing administrative work.

If someone thinks that sexual incidents with a 17 year old is not so bad since it's "almost legal"-DiTullio is 53-consider that it's not just an issue of age. DiTullio is a person in authority who has considerable influence in children's lives. Many of these kids spend upwards of 20 hours at gym per week. Often they come home from school, go to gym, go to bed. They may see more of their coach than their parents. Also, it's often true that a 17 year old gymnast started at the gym when she was quite a bit younger. She might feel comfortable with or even develop an infatuation for her coach, possibly in the context of "grooming". It's the coach's responsibility to respect the boundary between what is right and what is wrong. Abuse of authority is common and reprehensible whether it occurs with a 17 year old or even an adult.

As to the other "evidence" like the images on the web I say this: even if there is some context that explains things like handcuffing a 12-13 year old girl, it still doesn't meet the smell test. We are designed as humans to rationalize our experiences. Whole societies can get brainwashed into thinking something is right when in fact it is very very wrong. Just look at World War II Germany.

While I am acutely sensitive to child abuse, especially child sexual abuse, I did not ever wish for this to happen. My family was a member of the Five Star "family." We trusted DiTullio. Indeed the Five Star Mission as quoted from their website is: (1) to encourage each child to grow emotionally and physically, (2) to help each child express themselves through gymnastics, (3) to foster acceptance of self and others, and (4) to make each child's day brighter through positive reinforcement. The disconnect between the stated mission and the allegations emerging in this case could not be more dramatic.

I am saddened by the lives that are being affected and the damage this will cause to our close community. I hope our town and its neighbors can come together and stand united in protecting our children.

Related Posts:

• Five Star Gymnastics Renamed to 10.0 Academy (2/8/2008)
• Explanation for Pictures Emerges (11/30/2007)
• The Role of the Media in Abuse Scandals (11/29/2007)
• Sad News Comes to Stow (11/26/2007)

Last week, news came out of our town that is most unfortunate. Our children's gymnastic coach and his friend were indicted for crimes against children. The full indictment can be found on the Middlesex County District Attorney's Website.

I have the following public statement to make on this situation that will appear in The Stow Independent's "Over the Post" section:

Additionally, there are images circulating on the Internet showing a girl on the floor being handcuffed and hogtied by DiTullio at the 2006 Five Star Gymnastics Camp. There is another image of Infante about to slap a girl on her behind. I don't know what to make of these images, but they do not look explainable to me.

Related Posts:

• Five Star Gymnastics Renamed to 10.0 Academy (2/8/2008)
• Explanation for Pictures Emerges (11/30/2007)
• The Role of the Media in Abuse Scandals (11/29/2007)
• Gymnastics Abuse Scandal Unfolds (11/28/2007)